Do Not Squander Time [Digital Devil Saga, Sera, PG-13] Title: Do Not Squander Time Author:harukami Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Spoilers through the Power Plant, violence, cannibalism Word Count: 561 Author's Notes: For the springkink prompt: Digital Devil Saga, Sera: demonomania - dealing with new hungers
When she first gets atma it comes with a sense of joy. She feels touched deep inside, like it isn't Varna -- Varnani -- pressing inside her but Serph instead. The tears stream down her cheeks and cool her; when she opens her mouth to say his name she can taste Serph on her tongue, feel Serph tingling down to her fingertips; this is the Serph she knows, and perhaps that in itself is a tragedy but she feels so much less alone just like this.
Of course, with it comes the hunger, but in a small inward way she finds she likes that too. It's better to share the punishment she's forced on everyone; she feels less guilty and separate and more like one of them when she suffers like them instead of like herself.
And it's not an unpleasant feeling. Perhaps someone stronger like Argilla could hate it; she can't. The hunger whispers at the back of her head, tingles in her mouth, settles low and heavy in her belly. It reminds her of the feeling she'd first got when Heat had kissed her, a terrifying and sick-feeling twist in her lower belly, a heaviness between her legs, falling somewhere between nausea and discomfort. She'd thought at the time the feeling would never come to feel good, but like this, it isn't bad, a constant growing low-grade need demanding satisfaction.
When she first transforms she feels almost elated despite the grief and tragedy in the air; she feels light and her senses feel edged. She lunges forward, slashes with the blades from her arms, and can feel the enemy's flesh part. It's smooth, easy, good; she thinks Oh, and understands a little more about how this was easy for someone like Serph when it wasn't for someone like Argilla. The hunger rises hard and she lunges forward. They don't have much time, but it's not going to take that long; she tears scraps of flesh free with her teeth, feels it slide down her throat. She crouches there and tears into the enemy, buries her face in its side to work faster and cover up the flush she feels would be on her face if she were able to. They don't have long; people are dying for this. She eats far less than she'd want to and gets up and runs for the exit. The others come with her.
Once they're outside and she has transformed back she feels exhausted in a strange way, like her insides are draining out. She doesn't ache as if she has eaten too much; instead she feels winded. It's hard to stand upright.
"Ey, Sera," Cielo asks, and she glances up at him, wide-eyed. "You okay dere?"
It takes effort, but she forces herself to straighten. "I'm fine," she says.
"Stomach hurt?" Cielo says. He sounds sympathetic. "It's always hard de first time, I know."
"Oh," she says, almost taken aback, a little embarrassed. She can still taste the blood in her mouth and devouring is such a thing of life that she finds herself suddenly hungering again; she wants more. "No, I -- it was okay."
"Okay?" Cielo asks, sounding like he doesn't believe it.
She can't quite meet his eye, knows he'll interpret it as a lie, but is still too embarrassed by the ease to manage more. "Yes," she says, and has to understate things. "I didn't mind it."